how-do-you-respond-when-challenged
And another from DaddyYoDude:
http://bit.ly/8YcI7p
Dear Dad Revolution,
You have chosen to take on the imagery of revolution. This has meaning. It has meaning to people all over the world who struggle for human rights, dignity, equal access to education, and the means to meet the most basic fundamental needs of their families.
Let me say first that I deeply respect your commitment both as father's and as bloggers. Please read this challenge as an act of friendship. Unless I am mistaken, the revolution that you identify with is the shift in the daddy paradigm from absent and silent to one that is engaged and nurturing. Dads used to think that just showing up was good enough, not anymore.
While that is a worthy and important change, the time when we could be satisfied with "change yourself; change the world" is past. Regrettably, that ship has sailed. The world we are handing down to our children is dangerous and tired. Access to the most important natural resources is limited and there are few places in the world that are free of violence.
In that context, blogging about your personal experience without tying it in to some greater cause is the new just showing up. It's important, but a revolution it does not make. As you move forward in the daddy blogosphere, please consider using your influence to leave the world better for our little ones by sharing your experiences as fathers within the context of a broader social agenda. Whatever your cause is, social justice, equal education, mindful consumption, sustainable living, your faith community, literacy... don't be afraid to make a little noise.
There's never been a revolution without it.
respectfully,
Aaron
In that context, blogging about your personal experience without tying it in to some greater cause is the new just showing up. It's important, but a revolution it does not make.
ReplyDeleteThere is no greater cause than raising children.
Yeah, sorry, I think sharing your experience alone is beyond "just showing up." It says, that you are present and aware and willing to lend that experience to other fathers. That is community.
ReplyDeleteShawn and Jack, you're right, that may have not been the right phrasing. I absolutely agree that building community is an important end game. My challenge is that if you are going to include the language and imagery of revolution at a time when so many people are struggling for basic needs that are more urgent than community (clean drinking water, shelter, etc.) thank it is important to have a clear goal of how to direct that energy and power created by the community in order to make the world safer for our children.
ReplyDeleteas i've said in other posts, I love the writing over at Dad Revolution and visit every day.
ReplyDeleteAs a member of Dad Revolution I really love this post and totally get the spirit with which it was written. Thank you Aaron for spurring us on to be more, to be better. I wrote a response over at my blog:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.sahdpdx.com/2010/08/30/how-do-you-respond-when-challenged/
For the most part I agree with what you're saying, even if I think the term "revolution" gets used and abused far too frequently. Personally, I think it is more evolution than revolution, but I digress.
ReplyDeleteAs a SAHD I think that what I and other SAHD are doing does impact the greater social agenda. Guys like me and James are telling our sons that being the one that stays at home to raise the children is perfectly acceptable and that being an active and involved father is important. For me, I'm also telling my daughter that it is perfectly acceptable for her to dream big in her life's ambitions and hopefully setting the example for what she should seek in her future relationships.
Obviously my stay at home career has an expiration date, unless I make the decision to homeschool, which is currently under consideration thanks to the state of our schools. Regardless, the professional endeavors I have undertaken in my spare time have revolved around managing social good campaigns and learning more about conscious capitalism. If I can pass that along to my children, then I view that as an added benefit.
I think this is a good post because it does what should happen within the dad blog community - spark a discussion. I agree with PJ that the term "revolution" gets thrown around a bit much and can be a bit problematic for some. Evolution is perhaps a better word as PJ suggests as well. In my opinion it's too bad that simply being a present and active father has to be labeled as evolutionary or revolutionary but that's a topic for another time.
ReplyDeleteAaron has been pretty open about how much he admires and respects Dad Revolution (it's plain to see on the Are You Fatherfolk page). Like James, I simply took this as a call to action and not a criticism. I don't think it's bad or negative for someone to say, "Hey guys, I dig what you're doing, but I'd love to see you talk more about this..." I hope as a community, all of us dad bloggers can be about something bigger than blog hits, giveaways, or how much swag we can grab at conferences.
Arron, First as a DadRev author, let me say I'm not offended by your thoughts. Although I think Revolutions have been faught in numerous ways. I feel dads are fighting a revolution, and I do believe it's a revolution not an evolution.
ReplyDeleteWhen we first started DadRev I was told by another blogger, whom shall remain nameless, when he looked at us he didn't see us as revolutionaries. I found his thoughts intersting becaue he found it revolutionary to talk about beer, car's and sex. Like those are anything new the world of men. BTW DADRev is kicking that site's ass in numbers now only months after we got started.
You see it is revolutionary for us men to open up and express who we are and how we are part of the family beyond just showing up. As dads in the blog-o-sphere it's not as redily obvious because we come from the same stock and feel silmiarly about what it means to be a man. But if you look at what we are doing from the perspective of men who are not daddy bloggers, or from the old media perspective then, then you see the revolution.
The above said you are correct we have built a strong platform and we do need to act for social good but I'll bet the 13 of us could all get behind different social causes and piss eachother off. You see a revolution requires all to be on board and bring others along. Our Revolution is bringing Dads along and showing what Fatherhood is really all about. That is Revolutionary!
Kevin (The DADVocate)
Good points Kevin and well said.
ReplyDeleteOh, boy. First, let me start by saying I am a dad of a 25 & 19 year old, so I probably am way outside the demographic judging from the tagline on Dad Revolution. And that gives me a certain amount of freedom.
ReplyDeleteI changed diapers, I rocked my kids to sleep, I drove them to soccer practice, I listened to their stories, I attended their graduations and school plays. I took them to the doctor. I did all these things because that's just what dads do. I didn't trumpet my accomplishments like Moses coming down the mountain. I didn't ask permission from their mother nor did I take anything from her when I did these things. When she "needed" to be the primary, I knew enough to slip back and when she needed to slip back, I stepped forward. And for God's sake, I didn't go and whine about it with other dads.
Blogging may not have been around then for the most part, but I'm not really sure what all these young dads are doing is all that revolutionary. Call me a curmudgeon, but I think the best thing you can do for your kids is quit engaging so damn much. Learn to lead from behind, learn to be the solid rock when they've failed enough times for them to need a foothold. Learn to teach them to get their own ham.
http://www.dogwalkblog.com/get-your-own-ham-its-all-about-self-reliance.html
And my kids now have their own lives. And we talk often, but I don't meddle and I don't give advice unless asked and even then, cautiously. And when they need a foothold, I am there. And when they need a shoulder to let loose and cry a bit, I am there without question, without judgement. And now they are old enough to realize that what they thought they were doing for themselves when they were growing up, they really were doing with an invisible safety net or a gentle hand to balance them as they stepped out off the cliff. And hopefully that is what they will pass on to their kids when and if that happens.
But all this blogging and yakking is far from invisible. Be the hand, be the net. And kinda shut up already; you're not changing anything.
@Dogwalkblog...
ReplyDeleteWhat is truly a shame is that, not only are you insufferably rude, I submit that you are woefully unaware of the sad state of common fatherhood in this day and age.
Perhaps you should get out more...
@Dogwalkblog Sounds like you were and are a great dad, however, I completely agree with Brian. And I wonder what exactly makes you feel compelled to 'whine' here about a group of other fathers who are trying to set a good example for those who may be looking for guidance or a shared experience.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't agree, or it bothers you to read such sentiments, then you are most likely reading the wrong sites. Perhaps you should find something that is more to your curmudgeonly style.
@brian What you call "rude" I call straightforward and honest. If you would like me to sugar-coat my opinions on the current state of daddyblogging, I could certainly do that, but you guys are already doing it better than me. I am not woefully unaware. Fatherhood is and never was easy and it will never get the respect it deserves. Gotta just learn to live with the fact that it is a thankless and silently painful calling. If you do it right, nobody will thank you; if you do it wrong, everyone will blame you. That's just the way our culture works. Change if you think you can, but you have a whole lot of estrogenization to battle through.. good luck! :)
ReplyDelete@james I am not whining nor am I bothered by such sentiments. I think they are well-intentioned, but misguided, just like the "self-esteem" movement was well-intentioned, but misguided. All we did was produce kids who thought they were entitled to success at every turn. We should learn from that. And the "children are mini adults" movement before that.. and the one before...
Both, here's the deal: Don't comment back we'll just play ping-pong and one response to a comment reply is my limit any way. When your kids hit their adulthood, look back at what kind of dad you were and email me. God willing, I will still be around. If I was wrong in my assessment, I will apologize in the most public way you can imagine. If I was right, we'll agree to not speak of it as we will all then have a common man-understanding
I didn't know if I was doing it right when I was doing it, but with the benefit of hindsight, I suspect with 92.7665% certainty that the "social media" parent is probably not the healthiest long-term road for fatherhood.
PS @brian John Steinbeck is one of my favorites too.. Turtle Chapter in Grapes... if you like him, may I suggest Joesph Conrad's The Secret Sharer? short story, lots of fatherhood stuff to be gleaned...
I think all forms of revolutions are great - even the ones that happen in a garage 20+ years ago that gave birth to a little project called windows...
ReplyDeleteyou dont need to stand on a soapbox and shout I'm here and I'm not going to take this lazy dad shit anymore - to make progress and show marketers and the media that there is other ways to show dear old dad!
I'm not offended - because if you look at my track record I'm pushing those envelopes be it Project Mom, iVillage, going to conference like Evo, Blogher, the upcoming TypeAmom - I'm part of the movement that is opening the door to the future dad bloggers!
revolutions sometimes happen over long periods of time and just to be part of that movement is kick ass!
I welcome you to come and guest post on DadRevolution I'm sure we'd all love to have you talk more about the revolution you want to see there!