He Said, She Said: Breast Feeding

Here’s how were gonna roll with this—Aaron gave us a topic and I’m gonna start out, then e-mail what I have to Jamie. She’s gonna respond and we will see where it goes from there. I honestly see this going back and forth a whole bunch of couple times, so I will try and keep this short. My part will be noted as “JR” and hers will be “SMS” for her blog Single Mom Survives.




JR: First off I would like to thank Aaron for combining two of my favorite things into one easy topic. I’m a big fan of breasts—big or small, real or fake, they’re all good. If you were to see me in person you would see that I need to drop 30 20 pounds, so I am obviously a big fan of feeding. I grew up in Southern California and there is a place on Main St. in Huntington Beach called Hurricanes. It’s upstairs and has a patio overlooking Main St. Since it’s just a block from the pier, there is a constant stream of bikini-clad chicks making their way past the patio. A couple friends and I would occasionally get lucky and obtain a coveted spot on the rail and play “Real or Fake” as the ladies passed below us.

What does that story have to do with breast-feeding? Absolutely nothing. I just like to tell it and I figured since we were talking about racks, I could slip it in.

To the topic at hand. Breast-feeding is natural. It’s old school and totally Biblical. It’s how Eve hooked Cain and Abel up and how the Virgin Mary gave the baby Jesus his breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Is it something that the modern mother “has” to do? No. Do I respect women that do it? Sure. Do I have a problem with mothers that don’t? Absolutely not.

One final comment before I throw this to the menstrual half of this: In regards to women who breast feed in public—no problem. I prefer that it be a hot chick that whips one out, but I’m OK with any woman who feeds the kid naturally when he/she is hungry. Your thoughts baby?

SMS: Dear JR, I do apologize for my delay in response however I was not sure how an intelligent woman such as myself is supposed to respond to “real or fake”, “racks” and “menstrual half of this.” Oh wait, yes I do… you’re an idiot.

Seriously? I’m glad that you have years of experience living in So Cal honing your “real or fake” from ten yards away skills, however what does this, and your love of the boobage, have to do with breast feeding? That is like saying because I grew up in Houston near mission control at NASA that I’m an expert on lunar landings. Really?

Breastfeeding is such a hot button topic. My daughter is five now, so this is something I haven’t even thought about in years. Did I do it? Yes. Did I love it? Not always. Did I sometimes squeeze my boob just to see how far across the room I could get milk to squirt when I was home, bored, sleepless and alone with my daughter? Yes. (Don’t judge, it’s not like I put the baby on the other side of the room and tried to shoot for three points and I bet most moms have done it even if they won’t admit to it.) That said… did I eventually want my body and my boobs back and to not feel like a human vending machine anymore…. YES!

I honestly might get kicked out of the mom club because I have no strong opinions either way about breast feeding, I’m pro-choice when it comes to the mama milk, except when it comes to one specific area. The “lactation Nazis”, as I like to call them, and their reign of fury and intimidation.

Sure their goal is to help new mothers but it was my experience that so many of them also tend to guilt moms into nursing and if they didn’t stay with it made them feel like they were “bad” moms. I’m not down with making a woman feel like less of a mother through shame and guilt if she does not nurse. This strong armed pressure on new mothers makes me bat shit crazy.

I fully support a woman’s right to nurse in public. I never did it in public but I support others who do. I have to admit though, I don’t want to see full on boobage flying around at the mall though. I mean I’ve been there ladies, I know what it’s like to almost answer the door with your boob hanging out of your shirt and not even care when you realize what you just did. It’s the lack of sleep.

Trust me, I’ve been there, I know. But in public as much as I want you to nurse your baby and will support legislation that protects this right there are still ways to do it without giving me a peep show.

But back to this whole “you prefer it’s a hot chick that whips one out in public thing.” Really JR? In that case I prefer only really hot dudes become gynecologists. Tit for tat.

JR: First things first, I hope you know how turned on I got when I read you squirted for distance. I totally wish we were together in those days. It would have been totally fun! I would have sat across the room and you could have aimed for me. Almost makes me wish I hadn’t been snipped. Almost.

The mental picture I have of you answering the door with your tit hanging out is kind of awesome. Excuse me while I picture that some more.

Baby Mama nursed for only a few days and got burnt out on it. She actually asked me to try sucking on it to get milk out and as much as I thought it would be hot, it was actually a bit creepy.

I respected her choice to not nurse and I went and spent much money on Enfamil at the store. I didn’t mind. I just wanted my daughter to be healthy and happy.

As to your last comment about hot dudes being gynecologists…I thought about being one once, then 20 min after I thought about it I realized that most women who see one have a problem with their girl parts and I figured that looking at stinky, nasty cooch all day long would be a huge turn off. I’m just saying.

P.S. My “real or fake” skills were honed from about 15 yards away, not 10, but whatever…

SMS: Dear JR, you owe me $125 for the therapy bill I will now have after reading that “baby mama” wanted you to suck her boob to get the milk out. At first I felt a little weird sharing that I loved to see how much distance I could sometimes get but now not so much.

Also, did you just use the words “tit” and “cooch” in a breast feeding post? Really? This is a family friendly blog we’re writing this for. They are not used to the likes of us heathen single parents and our potty mouths. Let’s not send them to a confessional right out of the gate ok? Though there does seem to be a lot of beer around this place so maybe it’s ok. We’re being compensated in beer right?

The choice to only do breast milk was taken away from me by circumstance when my daughter was born as she spent the first five days of her life in the NICU. She had both breast milk and formula right from the start. I then stopped nursing at six months because my ex-husband filed for divorce. I was a mess. I couldn’t handle the constant demand of breastfeeding while pulling myself together from the shock, trying to take care of me and tending to my infant daughter.

That marked the time at which I weaned her and went to full time formula. I do feel bad about it to this day but I did what I had to do at the time. I did what was ultimately best for not only my child but for me. Sometimes taking care of yourself is taking care of your child and there should be no shame in that.

Basically it boils down to this… breast is best but parents have to decide what works for them, their baby and their sanity. There is no right or wrong here except when women are made to feel badly for their choice, whatever it is. There are enough things over our children’s lives that we will feel guilty or regretful about, how you feed your baby should not be one of them.

P.S. I swear it got it to shoot like 30 feet once. It was awesome. That snipping thing is reversible. Or so I’ve heard. But whatever…

Jamie is a sassy, say it how it is, single mom living in the northern Chicago suburbs raising her five year old daughter. By day she dies a slow death completely unnoticed in a small cube working for a Fortune 50. By night she is the often sarcastic, occasionally sappy, writer behind the blog Single Mom Survives. She wings it daily and takes nothing laying down… Unless it’s nap time.


J.R. has been a full-time single father for eight years and is a veteran of the online dating world.  In December 2009 he created and launched the popular blog, Sex and the Single Dad, where he chronicles dating, parenting and life as a full-time single father.  His tagline says it all: "One rad dad.  One cool daughter.  One thing missing."  You can check it out at www.sexandthesingledad.com.