Chances Our

fertility goddess via wikimedia commons

Through the magic of twitter I just discovered Chances Our, a blog about one woman's process of dealing with the challenges of trying to conceive.  The author is a long ago friend who is also the creative mind behind www.kidslikeike.com, a site dedicated to inspiring entertainment for children, launching later this month.

Chances Our is a collection of very personal essays. If you read through the posts like you would chapters in a book, there is an arc of pain, confusion, joy, and acceptance. The first post begins with the author's personal experience coming to terms wth infertility as a part of her life and marriage. 

"I remember hearing about fertility treatments in high school. My initial thinking on the subject was, “Oh no. I would never do something like that. I would just adopt.” One laparoscopic surgery, three I.U.I.s, one beautiful baby girl, two I.V.F.s, 12 Embryo Biopsies, 16 little angels lost, countless blood tests, ultrasounds and many other tests that I cannot even pronounce later, my current self is on a journey I could have never imagined nor predicted. "

"Say What?" deals with what NOT to say to a friend or loved one who is dealing with fertility issues, including:

1) "You are just stressed. If you relax and stop thinking about it, it will happen."
2) "You want it too bad. You just can’t force these things."
3) “You are so young. Why are you worrying?”
4) “You’re too skinny” or "You’re too fat".
5) “You’re working too hard at your job.” or “This fertility stuff is your only focus! You need a distraction.”
6) “It will happen when it is meant to be”

 

The post "My Favorite Note of Comfort" offers some guidance on how to offer comfort to a person struggling with the emotional fallout of fertility issues.

"The truth is, there isn’t really a lot you can say to someone who is struggling with this difficult journey. Like with many hard things in life, there are no words to capture the sorrow, the pain, the loss and the heartache that this path brings. At any given moment, a caring supporter’s words can seem trite or meaningless, even with the best intentions."

My favorite post by far is "Why I Dislike 'To Become Pregnant' Magazine". We get a taste of what a day would be like if someone were to each piece of the sometimes conflicting advice on getting preggo.

"First, I wake up and take pills that some woman testified gave her a “miracle baby”. I cook all of my meals according to the recipes found in a “how-to-cook-for-infertility” book. I make sure I see the dentist in order to avoid gum disease, which could not only prevent conception but cause stillborns. I check all carpets, electronics and household items that are fabric, foam or plastic because they may have a chemical that is effecting my ability to get pregnant. Since I can’t take 5 months off from work to complete a fertility spa program to increase fertility, I get that same program’s recommended exercise DVD and routinely work out my “core”. On top of that, there is a Yoga Ball I use to help and some regular yoga positions with more accompanying DVDs. I eat a lot of Greek Salad or anything that can be considered to be a Mediterranean diet. But of course I cannot diet in general because that will thwart any initiatives I take towards conception. I eat healthy, though, and there are many healthy snacks I choose from. But I also eat chocolates which have been prayed over that could help with my fertility. Finally, others are doing acupuncture, herbs and massage, so I do that as well.

Not only are there tips for me in this magazine, but many tips for my husband and I to follow together. There is a lubricant we have to use that was developed by a Sperm Physiologist(???). One woman swore the lubricant helped her achieve her “miracle baby”. We chart cycles, use a fertility monitor, track cervical mucus, and I simply listen to my body. We “don’t start messing around with alcohol, hormones or drugs” when we are getting ready for pregnancy (!!!!!). Around the time we are trying to conceive we eat foods that are sexy (on top of snacking on non-diet, Mediterranean recipes from the “how-to-cook-for-infertility” book, with a side helping of prayer chocolates ). We exercise around this time, but not too much. I also buy new lingerie. Before doing an IVF, we ask the embryologist to rock the embryo before implanting it because it worked with mice. Oh, and we also relax."

I appreciate the honesty of this blog. It represents the best of what can come out of open communication on the web. A conversation about difficult issues that builds community. In a time where pubicness is the new standard, saying something meaningful becomes a rare commodity.