The Circumcision Post: When You Talk About Penises, You're Gonna Meet Some Assholes.

Several weeks ago I posted a note to twitter that I was in the process of making a decision about whether or not to circumcise my son. Admittedly, by writing on twitter that it was on my mind, I put it into the public arena. What I was unprepared for was the speed at which people who were not in my friend graph appeared and tried to influence my opinion. Within seconds, I had messages from @circinfo and @intactbydefault, for and against. So what exactly does that mean? It means that these dudes were sitting at their computers, or more likely ipads searching for the word circumcision on twitter, and probably myspace and facebook.

I thanked them both politely for expressing interest in my sons penis, until the douche canoe calling himself @intactbydefault had the nerve to quote Gandhi by way of comparison to what he perceives as his own struggle for human rights. motherfucking Gandhi. My response was: "Yes. You are exactly like Gandhi, if Gandhi spent all day trolling the internet for mentions of baby penises and giving unsolicited advice. ass".

So here's the decision I made.... Just kidding. That will never happen, because frankly, it just isn't anyones business outside of your family. Not your Rabbi, and certainly not the creeps out there wailing over foreskins while people starve in the streets and hundreds of people are maimed every day by roadside bombs. My advice to you is that when you make your decision, go no further than your own conscience, culture, and family for your answers.

Homebrewing a Baby is Awesome

Hey all,
I got to catch Judevine Elijah Morgan-Weintraub on Saturday night as he came shooting out of my wife. It was awesome. We have been building towards a homebirth throughout the pregnancy, but the little guy was bumping up against two weeks overdue, which was starting to limit our options.

On Friday morning when we visited the midwife, she told us that the baby was higher up than our last visit. It was pretty discouraging. So we ate mexican food. And Kristen's water broke. Just like that.

I won't go all daddy blogger on you here, but it was a pretty amazing experience. I got to be in the birth pool, catch the little guy when he came out, and cut the chord. No long drive home from the hospital, no intrusive nurses, just me, Kristen, our daughter, my mother, and Judevine. Amazing.

More later. I'm tired.

But seriously, be careful about eating mexican food.

Horrible Parents - The Booger Hookah

crosspost from The Soy Bean

written by Casey

I’m of two minds at the moment.  When I first conceived this post a week or so ago it was intended to be light-hearted.  Now that I have finally taken, uploaded, and viewed the pictures, I feel slightly horrible about what my wife (I’m just the photographer) has been putting our son through.

Ray has had a perpetual hacking cough/endlessly snot-oozing nose since about a week after he started going to daycare.  He doesn’t seem put out in the least about coughing hysterically and spontaneously ejecting copious amounts of snot from both nostrils.  I suppose anticipating this turn of events months ago, my wife was moved to make a preemptive purchase.

Despite decades of simple yet effective use provided by the squeezable booger bulb that everyone, whether you have a child or not, can easily identify, someone in Japan thought they could improve upon the idea by making a booger removal system more complicated, more difficult to use, and most of all far more traumatic for the child. At least it’s cute.  I give you the booger hookah:

The Story of a Shitter

Cross posted from A Boy, A Man, and a Father
written by Judgebrix

One of your less cool and interesting experiences through life, and its weird little u-turns, is visiting the worldwide facility for assisting you with number 1 and 2 – The Cubicle Toilet adventure.  Cubicles have been around for centuries and they are one of the less amazing inventions left by the ancient Roman and Greek civilizations.  I’m sure every great ancient civilisation across the Globe have had their take on cubicle toilets – and neither of them has managed to make this a glamorous event.  Sitting next to somebody pooping, while talking, is not my idea of a friendly conversation.  It’s beyond me, but some public toilets in ancient Rome were designed as a giant bench of stone, with holes that was used by the public.

Weekday Quickie - Mexican Casserole

Making a weekday quickie taste like an all day affair.

Today we've got a quick and easy casserole full of Mexican inspired goodness. This is one of those throw it all in and see what comes out deals, whatever semi-Mexican style ingredients you have around will do fine.

My Ingredients:

• 2 - 3 Chicken Breasts - Bone in or not (optional and greatly reduces prep time if removed)
• 1 Green Pepper
• 1 Tomato
• 1 can Corn
• 1 can Black Beans
• 1 can Refried Beans
• 2 kinds of Salsa (sub Enchilada Sauce if you've got it)
• Corn tortillas (NOT Flour)
• Shredded Cheese
• 6" or so round Pyrex dish (roughly the same diameter as your tortillas is perfect)

Board Games: Fast Track to Family Conflict

Cross Posted from ironicmom.com

Board games are an activity steeped in nostalgia.
I remember playing marathon Cribbage games with my mom at the age of 6,  running to my dad every hand so he could tell me what to discard. I remember playing Rumoli with my whole family during two-day rural power outages. I remember playing Scrabble with my mom while drinking a Caesar (for non-Canadians, a Caesar is the lesser-known but more likeable cousin of the Bloody Mary).
This summer has been the time when I’ve tried to create some board game memories with my 6-year-old twins. Here are a few examples:

Semper-Fi, Last Boy Scout

Cross posted from A Boy, A Man, and a Father

written by Judgebrix

At 8 years old you are at an age where you have to learn the hard way. I don’t mean that you have to get bruised, but that some experiences can only be taught by actually trying them.

Basically, every boy have to attempt certain Dirty Sanchez /Jackass stunts, just to prove that they are older and braver than the rest … or perhaps just brainless.

What am I talking about?  I’m talking about joining the boy scouts.

Dear Ones. A letter to Tyler, Seth, Asher, and Billy

Guest Post by Casey Berna

A letter to the four angels just lost, Tyler, Seth, Asher and Billy, and all of the others up in heaven.

             

My dear ones, my only comfort in hearing of your too soon departure from this world is that you are up in Heaven, now wrapped in our loving God’s embrace. You are in a place, now, where love is rampant, acceptance for who you are and how God made you is given without thought, where you finally will feel comforted, at ease and at home. But it is a small comfort to me, and I imagine even less of a comfort to your family and loved ones.  You should still be here.  I feel your loss, and I have never even met you. The loss your parents and other family and friends must be feeling right now is unimaginable.

             

My dear ones, our society let you down. We gave you messages daily that being gay was not acceptable. We allowed the words “you’re so gay” or “that’s so gay” to continue to have a negative connotation.  We allowed the word “fag” to be thrown around as something terrible to be called.  While you were growing up, we didn’t allow positive gay characters on your television or cartoon programming to provide you support.  When you knew you were gay at a young age, we called it disturbing, unhealthy and looked at your parents to blame for your self-awareness.  We provide very little in the way of showing you that being gay is a social norm and completely acceptable.  I am so very sorry for this.

          

Our government has let you down.  They say you can serve in our military, risk your life, but you can’t admit to being gay?  That certainly implies there is something terribly wrong with being gay.  Our government also says that gay people cannot get married.  That is sending a clear message, is it not?  I can only imagine how oppressive it is for a young person to have your government having a hand in whom you can and cannot love or be with, legally.  The state of Mississippi states that gay couples cannot adopt children.  What a burden for you to carry.  These laws make me deeply sad; I can only imagine how they make you feel.

Your community has let you down.  From when you were young we hid examples of openly gay role models from you.  What happens to openly gay youth leaders, school teachers, coaches and administrators?  They are often treated like pedophiles and not accepted in the community.  Some community leaders are even asked to step down from their duties after coming out or being outed.  Parents say they don’t want their children affiliated with “such people.” They are scared of what could happen.  Don’t ask, don’t tell seems not only to be a guideline in the military, but encouraged in some of the communities in this country.  Parents who are not understanding and accepting of gay people are at risk to raise children who are not accepting; children who bully.  What messages are they sending you, dear ones?

Your school, a place that should be a safe environment for you to flourish and grow, let you down.  Intolerant communities throughout our country keep faculty, staff and administrators of schools closeted and in fear of losing their jobs.  Teachers who either are too burnt out, ignorant themselves or overwhelmed do not step in when kids who are gay or who are perceived to be gay are bullied time and time again.  Bullies are written-off as “kids being kids.”  But what about your rights, my dear ones, to be kids and to be a part of a learning community without fear or harassment?  What about your rights to be who you are, to love who you love, and to take whomever you love to your prom?

Our religions let you down.  Some religions are very open and accepting of all people, gay people included.  There are some groups out there, though, who think gay people are “sick” or “sinful.” My dear ones, I am not certain what religion you or your family practiced, but I am certain that no matter what it was, you have heard all of these hurtful, hateful views people voice in the name of our loving God. 

Adolescence is so hard to begin with, a confusing and awkward time in everyone’s life.  When your society, government, community, school and religion are giving you messages that you shouldn’t exist, you are sick, you are a pedophile, you are worthless and sinful, the difficulties of adolescence are only compounded.  As a mother, I find it painful to think that anyone would feel that way about my child.

My dear ones, I feel like I have let you down.  I wish I could have been there to tell you it will all be okay.  I wish I could have advocated for you at your school.  I wish I could have imparted on you the wisdom that this too shall pass and that one day you will be far from this environment and far from the ignorant people that tormented you.  I wish I could have been there the moment before you took your life, to hold you and tell you that you are perfect just the way God made you.  I know that it would have been a lot to have asked you to continue in your environment of fear and torment and I would have felt guilty asking you to do so, but I would have known that ten years from now, you would be okay.

It is not good enough to ask our gay youth to just “survive” their adolescence! Kids are dying on our watch. We, as a society, have to change and encourage our government to do the right thing for the gay community.  Gay people are not going anywhere.  They are a part of communities everywhere.  It is time they are accepted.  It is not okay to keep gay people in the closet.  It is not okay that gay people fear losing their livelihoods if they disclose who they are.  It is not okay to hide behind God while condemning and discriminating against our gay brothers and sisters.  This is not a political or religious debate.  These are rules, attitudes and judgments that are daring children to take their own lives.

My dear ones, we all have failed you.  Every single one of us.  I am so very sorry. My hope is that you have not died in vain. My hope is that this country will realize the hurt and pain it has caused you.  My hope is that dialogue and discussion will open up so that we will not lose any more of you.  My hope is that you are all angels and will serve as a light to the rest of those in the gay community who are struggling.  I pray for you and your families. My love is with you.  I know you are finally safe and at peace, but I am so sorry your journeys have ended in this tragic way.  With all the love in my heart, your sister in community, Casey Berna. 

             

             

             

             

Coconut Water

posted by Aaron

So coconut water is a thing that, in my life is getting harder to ignore despite my best efforts. Lately I find myself searching it out in grocery stores and buying cases of the stuff on Amazon. My wife loves to drink it after a yoga or swimming workout and swears by it as a recovery drink.
Here are the basics...

Nutrition:                             
Calories: 46
Calories from fat: 4
Fat: 0g
Carbs: 09g
Sodium: 256 mg

Production: As best I can tell by the price, before being juice these coconuts are massaged every day like Kobe beef and watered with unicorn tears.

Purchase: The best coconut water brands are One and Vita Coconut. Do not be fooled into buying the Goya brand that Walmart carries. Your wife will be angry and you will literally vomit when you try to drink it. You can find cases of the good stuff here: (Vita Coco 100% Pure Coconut Water, 11.2-Ounce Containers (Pack of 12).)

How to Return a Dead Fish

 Cross posted from ironicmom.com

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in my neighbour’s dining room performing a community service: neither she nor her husband drink red wine, so when they have some I drink it. Anyway, we were talking about pets. They’re planning to get one; we’re not.
At least, I don’t think we are.
My kids think we’re going to get a dog when they’re ten. We’ve been telling them this since they were three. It is one of my favourite parenting strategies: I tell my children something just so they shut up and then hope like hell they forget what I said.
They still remember. At least once a week, one of them says something like, “What should we name our dog?” or “How long until we’re ten?”
It’s not that I’m anti-dog. I loved my childhood mutts, Caesar and Rebel; it’s just that they were farm dogs, which meant that they didn’t step a paw in the house, we didn’t have to walk them, and we didn’t own a leash. Essentially the dogs took care of themselves and once a week I’d pet them.
Raising a dog in the suburbs is another matter. I still remember house-training my twins; I can’t cope with one more mammal who can’t use a toilet or cook.
As I babbled about all this to my neighbour, she poured me a second glass. “Have you taken the kids to the pet store?” she asked. “You know, to play with the animals.”

LEUNIG BECOMES THE SECOND FIDDLE

Written by Jorden Blucher
We have had our dog, Leunig*, a black lab mix for almost three years now. We picked him up from the Humane Society one sunny afternoon in November. When we got Leunig, Erin was in her second year of residency so I was spending a fair amount of time alone while she worked insanely long hours. It was great to have someone to greet me when I came home and to hang out with even if he had four legs and did not talk back to me. We took long walks through dark streets in the mornings before I went to work, when I came home we often escaped to the mountains usually to the “Snow Hut” a fort some friends and I had built in one of the canyons. On the occasion that Erin was home and not sleeping, we planed our hikes in the areas Leunig could go, avoiding the watershed canyons like the plague. We took him camping in the High Unitas where he slept in the tent with us. At times I would bring him into the office where he would spend the days laying on the floor happily snoring away as I worked. We skied less at the resorts and went snowshoeing more. Many times on winter nights I would load my skies and Leunig into the car and we would head up to Mill Creek Canyon for a quick skin, he quickly learned to stay away from my ski tips and tails, running ahead of me on the climb up and behind me on the way down. I found a light to attach to his collar because at night in the canyon he disappeared into the darkness. He even had his own backpack.

RIE Parenting Tip from Janet Lansbury

Babies are self-learners. This is good news for parents because it takes the pressure off of us to “teach”.  Babies are born ready to explore and experiment through play. Yes, even your newborn infant, when you see him having a few peaceful awake moments on his back is “playing”. He’s making choices (like what to look at), wondering and figuring things out like, “Why do those shadows on the wall move when I hear that windy sound outside?” Or, “Where the heck am I?” If you want a smart baby, recognize that he is actually doing something as he lies there and respect him by not interrupting. This helps him get in the habit of paying attention for long periods of time, which will make him an excellent learner and future student. For more, please read Baby, Interrupted – 7 Ways To Build Your Child’s Focus And Attention Span.  (http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/04/baby-interrupted-7-ways-to-build-your-childs-focus-and-attention-span/)

Cheers,

Janet

What can making beer teach your kids?

If you've spent any time at all hanging around here you've noticed we're kind of obsessed with beer; the making of it, the consumption of it, etc. That may seem like an odd subject for a father-centric blog, but we think beer gets an unfair rap. From Al Bundy to Homer Simpson, everywhere you look beer is the poster child for the bad-dad. Instead, let's see if we can turn making beer into an educational process (let me know if anyone can make the consumption side educational).


Here we have just a few of the things that can be taught to any inquisitive kid during the beer making process. However, don't expect even the most patient to stick around for the entire time, long boil times and sanitizing 54 bottles takes a while.

He Said, She Said: Talking to your kids about sex

JR: This subject really hits home for me considering I have a 13-year-old Drama Queen (D.Q.) at home. I’ve already made it through the Kotex talk and have taken her to purchase her first bra(s), so I’ve tackled two important steps on the way to the birds and bees.

My mom has informed me (via my daughter) that D.Q. needs to start shaving her legs. If she’s ready to shave her legs I’m not entirely sure that I want to know what else is going on with her. Being a full-time single father raising a teenage daughter can be tricky at times and it often feels like walking on a minefield.

There’s no one right way to have “The Talk” with your child—each child is different and that has to be taken into consideration as you prepare yourself. There are definitely some wrong ways to have the talk, but no one definitive “Right Way”.

How the hell does a single father talk with his sarcastic, eye-rolling, attitude strutting daughter? I could just let her watch TV. God knows there’s enough sex going on there. Maybe I could just have her to watch Zoey 101 on Nick and tell her to figure out why the show ended up so abruptly.

P.S. It was because Jamie Lynn Spears became a baby mama. She and her boyfriend were playing a game of Vatican Roulette* and lost.

Book Review: Book Dad Reviews I Am Not Weird

I Am Not Weird! by Haley Metzger and RayeLynn Banks

Reviewed by: Chris Singer

Cross posted from: bookdads.com

About the Authors:

Haley lives in Marietta, Georgia with her parents and sister and brother. She recently completed first grade, and is a first-time published author.

RayeLynn is Haley’s grandmother and writing guide. She is also the director of an inclusionary preschool in Atlanta.

About the Book:

Haley, a first grader, never thought of herself as different because she has cerebral palsy. When a new classmate told her she was weird because she wore braces and walked funny, Haley was upset. She did not know what to do or what to say as a response. With help from her parents and grandmother, Haley decided to write a book explaining that she was not weird – cerebral palsy is not weird. In the book, Haley tells what cerebral palsy means and tells all that she can do anything, just like everyone else. Haley brought her book to school and it was read to the class to help the children understand. Haley is proud of herself and hopes her book will help others to understand cerebral palsy.

My Take on the Book:

This is a great idea for a book to help educate children about what it’s like to live with any disability, not just cerebral palsy. This book has terrific photos which show Haley participating in lots of physical activities, and indeed shows that Haley can do anything anyone else can do. I give Haley and her parents a lot of credit for taking a really uncomfortable and disturbing bullying situation at school and turning it into such a positive experience! I love the message of determination and self-empowerment throughout the book and even though I’ve never met Haley, I can tell she must be an extremely positive and inspiring girl.

I would highly recommend this book for parents, family members and teachers who might need a resource to help education children about cerebral palsy.

Recently, Haley went through a very difficult medical procedure called Selective Dorsal Rhizotomy (SDR). Cerebral Palsy causes Haley to have a lot of spasticity (stiffness) in her trunk and leg muscles. Spasticity interferes with her range of motion and speed of movement. It can inhibit muscle growth and can cause muscle contractures and permanent orthopedic deformities. This neurosurgical procedure can reduce spasticity permanently and improve motor activities for Haley!

You Decide: Scary 4 Foot Doll or Housecleaning Robot

By Adam (Dad)  @betafam cross posted from:
BetaFam


I was in Rite-Aid and I saw these on sale. Maybe I have watched too many movies, but I feel I would wake up one night and find it standing over my bed. At what age does a little girl want a 4.5 foot tall doll? Or maybe it is a robot. In that case, it’s a great deal at only $29.99…

Announcing Amazon Dad

It turns out Amazon didn't drop the ball with dads on the Amazon Mom service, they are just being more realistic:

5 Reasons I Hate Crafts

Cross Posted from ironicmom.com

I hate crafts. This is a problem given that my daughter is her own craft production factory. Thanks to her, we are first rate recyclers: paper, toilet paper rolls, and cereal boxes rotate from the craft table to the recycling bin with amazing fluidity. It might be cute if you’re a scrapbook person; if you’re not, it’s a nightmare.
Below, then, are 5 reasons I hate crafts.

Dads: Amazon doesn't want your money

Ahh dads, kicked to the curb again by the multi national corporations behind the consumer baby-buying frenzy. Amazon just released this ad campaign targeting mothers called "amazon moms".

I can just imagine the scene at Sterling Cooper now:

Don: Peggy, Kinsey, pitch me diapers.

Kinsey: How about instead I just wave my pipe around and stroke my beard like a huge douche canoe?

Peggy: What about a campaign that recognizes that it is counter productive to divide moms and dads into separate marketing groups? Why don't we run a campaign that recognizes that it's families that make decisions about products based on recommendations from their friends and social circle and that we will only piss them off if we alienate fathers?

Don: (throwing his scotch across the room just missing peggy's head) Shut up bitch! Give me a baby with bear ears and send the message that we don't want any dads shopping here!



Also check out this one below. Notice anything funny? No? Anything? Does the word "Cruisers" have a kind of sleazy "looking for sex in a park" connotation to anyone else?

He Said, She Said: Breast Feeding

Here’s how were gonna roll with this—Aaron gave us a topic and I’m gonna start out, then e-mail what I have to Jamie. She’s gonna respond and we will see where it goes from there. I honestly see this going back and forth a whole bunch of couple times, so I will try and keep this short. My part will be noted as “JR” and hers will be “SMS” for her blog Single Mom Survives.