Sneezies! I Am Not Ashamed.

Sneezies! is awesome. It is quite possibly the greatest game that I play that was designed for toddlers. The basic premise of the game is that there are little fuzzy parachutists imprisoned in bubbles that need you to set free by distributing sneezing powder among them. I am not making that up, I swear it. You get one shot to get the sneezing powder out to them and you better hope that you set off a sneezing cascade or not enough of them will parachute to safety. You can understand the pressure that this puts on a player.

Adding to that pressure is the way the game treats you when you don't save your quota of Sneezies. Each level sets a target number for you. I think when the designers made this game, they were thinking about teaching children what it's like to work in retail with impossible sales goals - I was stuck on level 25 for over three weeks recently and felt browbeaten by the time I finished it. If you induce sneezing in more than 50% of your target but still miss it, it says "Oh, not quite, sorry." That's not too bad, but the tone in which it is spoken in my head is awfully condescending. Worse than that, though, is if you get fewer than that 50%, in which case it says "Wow, you missed by miles." When I underperform at this game, I keep waiting for it to say things like, "Seriously, lady?" or "Are you even trying? It sure doesn't seem like it."



There are actually two modes of play in this game: the classic version, which I prefer, and the challenge level. In the challenge version you have several targets within each level, adding a stress that I just can't stomach. This is the version that requires a little bit of strategy; I think that when you're dealing with these little bubble imprisoned bastards and you start to strategize, you've already lost. Why? Because toddlers don't strategize. There is an "Easy Mode," but you might as well just hang it up if you use it, because again, if you need "Easy Mode" in a game that my two year old nephew crushes, you've already lost.

Finally, I love the expression on the Sneezies' faces once their parachutes are open. They look like they're happily drunk. What is in that sneezing powder? Something good, something real good.