What Is Going On In This Photo?

Pictured in this photo we have a baby squirrel being held by a coworker of mine. Let me set the record straight by saying that pet squirrels are not common here in Asheville, despite the fact that it's a mountain town and mountain folk do some strange things. Nor is my hospital a squirrel hospital. Squirrel hospitals are exceedingly rare in America because squirrel vet programs have exceedingly high admission standards and because squirrels bite hard and often.



By now you've noticed that this squirrel has something around his neck. Contrary to what you might at first believe, we were not seeing this squirrel because he got his head stuck in a cut-up piece of x-ray film. Nor is he a flamboyant squirrel with a taste for Elizabethan fashions - those squirrels are as rare as squirrel veterinary hospitals. No, my dedicated coworker made that e-collar for him. She made not just that one e-collar but several over the course of time, as he kept growing out of them.

The next question that has come to mind is "Why does a squirrel need an e-collar?" Well, let's examine why a cat or dog might need an e-collar as possible clues. Most often they wear them to prevent some form of self-destruction or to prevent licking and chewing of wounds. Anyone who has had stitches can tell you that they're a little uncomfortable and itchy. If you couldn't scratch them with your hands, you might also be inclined to chew at them. Don't lie; I know you would. Other times, the e-collar is used to prevent a cat or a dog from chewing off and potentially eating a bandage. Bandages are strictly for external use, despite what your dog tells you.

Back to the squirrel. None of the reasons above are why this guy is wearing the e-collar. Squirrels are mammals, in case you thought they were born eating acorns. They are not. 26 is the legal age of acorn consumption in squirrels, which explains why they seem to get so crazy about them. This particular squirrel was orphaned before his mother had weaned him and he found himself hungry. Instead of waiting for my kind coworker, he took matters into his own hands (or mouth, in this case) and started nursing on himself.

What's that, you say? A baby male squirrel nursing himself? Yes. On his penis. Constantly. He nursed it to the point that it was bigger than his own hock. And that, my friends, is why this squirrel wears an e-collar. I can't speak for other squirrels who wear them.