Friday, September 10, 2010

You Decide: Scary 4 Foot Doll or Housecleaning Robot

By Adam (Dad)  @betafam cross posted from:
BetaFam


I was in Rite-Aid and I saw these on sale. Maybe I have watched too many movies, but I feel I would wake up one night and find it standing over my bed. At what age does a little girl want a 4.5 foot tall doll? Or maybe it is a robot. In that case, it’s a great deal at only $29.99…




Announcing Amazon Dad

It turns out Amazon didn't drop the ball with dads on the Amazon Mom service, they are just being more realistic:

5 Reasons I Hate Crafts

Cross Posted from ironicmom.com

I hate crafts. This is a problem given that my daughter is her own craft production factory. Thanks to her, we are first rate recyclers: paper, toilet paper rolls, and cereal boxes rotate from the craft table to the recycling bin with amazing fluidity. It might be cute if you’re a scrapbook person; if you’re not, it’s a nightmare.
Below, then, are 5 reasons I hate crafts.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dads: Amazon doesn't want your money

Ahh dads, kicked to the curb again by the multi national corporations behind the consumer baby-buying frenzy. Amazon just released this ad campaign targeting mothers called "amazon moms".

I can just imagine the scene at Sterling Cooper now:

Don: Peggy, Kinsey, pitch me diapers.

Kinsey: How about instead I just wave my pipe around and stroke my beard like a huge douche canoe?

Peggy: What about a campaign that recognizes that it is counter productive to divide moms and dads into separate marketing groups? Why don't we run a campaign that recognizes that it's families that make decisions about products based on recommendations from their friends and social circle and that we will only piss them off if we alienate fathers?

Don: (throwing his scotch across the room just missing peggy's head) Shut up bitch! Give me a baby with bear ears and send the message that we don't want any dads shopping here!



Also check out this one below. Notice anything funny? No? Anything? Does the word "Cruisers" have a kind of sleazy "looking for sex in a park" connotation to anyone else?

Dispatch from China: Eating Scorpions


Written By Andyfatherfolk

well, quickly on in Beijing I got to complete another bucket list check box, eating scorpions. I was told there would be two kinds and one was good, the other not so much but i forgot which was which. So, naturally, i went for both types. The big black ones are really not that tasty. more of a crunch but not much flavoring. The little ones (which move very fast before being flash fried) are actually tasty, though it may just be the added salt. Where as the big ones were a crunch exoskeleton and not much meat, the little ones seemed to have more meat in them at least in a ratio per size. I know other people have eaten this item and lived, but there is something a bit scary about biting into an animal known for killing humans with one touch.

Ringworm - You Can't Eat It.

I got a call from a client one day that went something like this:

Caller: "My cat threw up a ringworm and I need to know which dewormer to get to treat it."

Me: "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

Caller, sounding irritated already: "My CAT threw up a RINGWORM, and I need to know which dewormer to get to treat it."

Me: "Okay, I doubt it was ringworm. Did it look like spaghetti or rice?" This question was my way of clarifying between two of the most common types of intestinal parasites in cats, roundworms and tapeworms.

Caller: "Neither. It was a ringworm."

Me: "Okay, but ringworm is a fungus, not actually a worm, so I really don't think your cat could have thrown up a ringworm. So, did it look more like a spaghetti noodle or a grain of rice?"

Caller: "Well, it looked like a ringworm. If I had to guess, I'd say a noodle."

Me: "Okay, that sounds like it might be a roundworm. Could you bring us a stool sample to check and we can tell you for sure and give you the right dewormer?"

Caller: "I saved the worm. After she threw it up she sat in the corner looking down at it and put her paw on it, but I was able to get it away from her and put it in a bag. I'll just bring that to you and you can see for yourself." At this point, she was still convinced I'd realize how wrong I was.

Me: "Oh wow, that would be great! We wouldn't even have to charge you to check it in that case, we can just dispense the dewormer once we see which type it is."

The client brought in her worm. It was a long dead millipede, curled into a ring and somewhat flattened by the cat having stepped on it. There is no dewormer for millipedes. Or for ringworm, for that matter, because to this day it's still classified as a fungus.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

He Said, She Said: Breast Feeding














Here’s how were gonna roll with this—Aaron gave us a topic and I’m gonna start out, then e-mail what I have to Jamie. She’s gonna respond and we will see where it goes from there. I honestly see this going back and forth a whole bunch of couple times, so I will try and keep this short. My part will be noted as “JR” and hers will be “SMS” for her blog Single Mom Survives.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Special Feature: Author Ashley English Talks About the Birds and Bees of Expectant Parents


tips for expecting fathers, from their expecting partners: 

-feed us. really. we're hungrier than we've ever been in our lives. we'd love it if you whipped us up meals. nothing needs to be elaborate, but when we're low on energy, knowing someone else will be doing the cooking is an absolute godsend. snacks are especially good, too. 

-in a similar vein, we'd love help with the grocery shopping. our tastes will be highly variable and immensely fickle right now, so don't balk if we used to adore feta and olives and are now repulsed by them. the pendulum will again swing in that direction, but, for now, just see what we'd like and help us shop for that. 

-be open minded, in the event that our food preferences should experience a profound change. i picked up eating poultry during my pregnancy after a 14 year hiatus. it was what my body told me it needed and nothing satisfied me until i had it again. talk openly about our dietary changes as we experience them, but try to do so with an open mind, especially if we're craving something that you don't eat yourself. 

-if we're the ones that customarily do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, sweep the floors, vacuum, empty the cat's litter box, etc., we'd love a helping hand. 

-reading a pregnancy book for dads makes us feel like you're really on board. while we'll be the one's doing the actual carrying, laboring, and delivery, we want you to know what's going on inside of us, as well. 

-plan a co-ed baby shower with us. baby's aren't just for the mom, after all; they're literal family affairs. 
-when you can, come with us doctor/nurse/midwife appointments. every visit, or test, is new (especially for first time moms) and we'd love a little reassurance from a familiar face. 

-allow us to vent when we need to vent. sometimes we're just uncomfortable and need to vocalize. we're not looking for you to make things better, we're just blowing off steam. a little bit of diffusing along the way goes far towards keeping major blowouts from happening.

http://small-measure.blogspot.com/
http://designspongeonline.com/category/ashley-english
http://twitter.com/ashley_english



Homemade Living: Canning & Preserving with Ashley English: All You Need to Know to Make Jams, Jellies, Pickles, Chutneys & More             Homemade Living: Keeping Chickens with Ashley English: All You Need to Know to Care for a Happy, Healthy Flock

Husband hack #279: Romantic Crossword Puzzle

Out in the daddy blogosphere there seems to be no end to the wringing of hands over the loss of sexy time that having a baby may cause. My advice is to respond by growing out your mustache, slicking back your hair, putting on your bow tie and mixing up a cocktail of one part understanding and two parts extra effort. Here's something that's both geeky and romantic. The kind of relationship advice I'd like to think Joss Weeden would give.

Make a personalized crossword puzzle!

How:

Step 1. Write down ten to fifteen of the insider information about your relationship. Things about your first date, inside jokes, places that are special to you, and pet names.

Step 2. You will need to take this and turn each one into a clue and an answer.

Step 3. Visit a site that will automatically generate a crossword puzzle like this one here:
crosswordpuzzlegames.com

Presto! You have a meaningful gift that cost you nothing. Now part two is to stop being such an insensitive ass in all other areas of your relationship and help out a little more around the house. We guarantee this will get you laid!

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Vegetable Truck: Lying to My Children

Cross Posted

When our twins were born, my husband and I were in year four of a five-year-stint in Thailand. As you can imagine, there were a plethora of noises in Bangkok, most of which assaulted our ears with video-game intensity. Sounds reverberated off skyscrapers the way noises echo in a canyon.
My husband and I talked about recording our own Bangkok Symphony, but we were too lazy. Had we done so, though, such a composition would have included the following:
  • the insidious jingle of the ice cream truck, over and over again and again,
  • the rhythmic pinging of the blind man’s reebar-cane as he hiked the streets selling lotto tickets,
  • the souped-up, four-stroke motorcycle taxis that broke the speed of sound, and
  • the discordant squawk of the loud speaker as the vegetable truck offered its wares.
It sounds exotic until it ceases to stop.
Once we got the 2-for-1 deal on our babies, however, our tolerance for external noise increased. We had our own indoor cacophony.
Fast forward two years.
We moved back to Canada, where the loudest sounds in our suburb were garage doors humming closed, lawn mowers sparking to life, and the occasional ice cream truck.
Whenever the ice cream truck circled our suburb, belting out “It’s a Small World After All,” our kids would ask what that sound was.
Each time, we answered the same: “It’s the vegetable truck.”
We first uttered this refrain when our twins were two.
By the time they were five, they’d say, “The vegetable truck’s coming.” Then they’d continue playing, unmoved by the thought of door-to-door turnips.

What kind of parent convinces their children this is a vegetable truck?
This brings us to a few weeks after their sixth birthday.
“Mom, the vegetable truck’s actually stopping,” Vivian said. She and William opened our back door and climbed onto the patio table, giving them a direct view over our fence. If you remember the sitcom Home Improvement, think Wilson on stilts.
“Jenna’s getting vegetables!” William announced.
I watched Jenna, our neighbour, disappear behind the truck.
A moment passed. My lie hung in the summer air.
The ice cream truck and its ditty started up the street.
Jenna walked down the sidewalk, ice cream in hand.
Vivian and William muttered to each other before screaming, “Mom!”
And the myth disappeared faster than the jingle.
Add this to the list of things our kids can tell their therapists in a decade.
*
Any lies out there? ice cream stories?